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Daddy Spanks, the World Gives Thanks

America’s greatest president, Donald Trump, is the prohibitive frontrunner to win the Nobel Peace Prize after ending the 12-Day War with an overwhelming victory for the good guys. Some may try to argue otherwise, but they don’t know what the f— they’re doing.

Jim Acosta Throws the Lamest Party Ever

The lineup for the ex-CNN anchor’s first (and apparently only) stop on the “Fire Within Tour” would struggle to draw a crowd almost anywhere else in the country: Rosie O’Donnell, Rep. Jasmine Crockett (D., Texas), and an assortment of professional Trump haters.

Biden “Could Be Dead within a Year”

Rep. Ronny Jackson (R-TX), a top doctor to presidents Barack Obama and Donald Trump, warned the Washington Free Beacon that the prognosis for former president Joe Biden’s metastatic prostate cancer is grim—and that the former commander in chief could be dead within a year.

Columbia University’s Pulitzer Disgrace

The increasingly irrelevant Pulitzer Prizes were awarded on Monday to a slew of left-wing news reports. The prize for commentary went to the “Palestinian poet” Mosab Abu Toha for his work in the New Yorker—”deep reporting with the intimacy of memoir,” as the Pulitzer board put it—depicting the evils of the Israeli military campaign in Gaza