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Horny Dads for Kamala

Several weeks after Foo Fighters frontman Dave Grohl endorsed Harris, Grohl recently fathered a child outside his marriage. He is the latest scumbag cheating husband to back Harris. The distinguished coalition of horny dads for Harris includes the candidate’s own husband, Doug Emhoff, who destroyed his first marriage by seducing his children’s nanny.

David Muir, Unveiled

ABC News anchor reveals true self during Trump-Harris debate, torches carefully crafted reputation as unbiased newsman. He gets paid millions to read news off a teleprompter every weeknight to lonely seniors and nursing home patients who fell asleep hours earlier.

Obama’s Monument to Himself Is a Hideous Eyesore

A large portion of the Obama Presidential Center will be engraved with words from one of Obama’s speeches so that all may marvel at Dear Leader’s eloquence. It certainly feels like a place where mere citizens are expected to make pilgrimage and weep in awe; one of the first things rebel forces would destroy after seizing power in a revolution.

Kamala Goes Off Script

Following her performance on Thursday, it seems unlikely that Harris will agree to another (solo) interview before debating Trump on Sept. 10. There’s a decent chance it won’t happen until the election is over, given how badly most journalists want her to win.

Kamala’s Obama Makeover

Harris took on more than Obama’s staff. She adopted the message that Obama strategist David Axelrod had been urging Biden to use for months: Drop the threat-to-democracy talk and instead cast the election as a choice between future promise and dwelling on Trump’s past

Lyin’ Tim Walz Wants to Be Your Neighbor

Hundreds of quivering “Coach Walz” signs greeted the VP nominee at the United Center, his former career as a teacher and assistant football coach being vital to the narrative Democrats have carefully crafted. Alas, the slight embellishment reflects a long history of falsehoods Walz has peddled throughout his political career

Tear Down This Walz

Gov. Walz has raised taxes! He has left no stone unturned in his efforts to keep up with the party’s progressive left. He does not extend Harris’s reach even so much as an inch. By conventional metrics such as crime, educational achievement, and the like, Walz has set a horrible record in office.

The Biden-Harris Mental Gymnastics

The party deserves medals in political contortion. In a few weeks, they’ve gone from saying that Joe Biden is the next FDR, to Biden is fine, how dare you question his age, to Biden is incapable of serving a second term, to Biden is a stubborn old man who will sink the party, to Biden is a demigod whose selflessness will be recalled for centuries.